Guest Post Submitted by The Loz.
She struggles to look at him the same way.
Her head loves him but does her heart?
Why can’t she love him?
Is she going to be one of those people that justifies this with the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ excuse?
As if you don’t want to roll your eyes at that.
She already rolls her eyes at him.
When he jokes, when he’s slightly late or when he forgets to notice she styled her hair different.
Fear is all but consuming her. Falling out of love hurts more than a heartbreak. It’s like that person fades right before you.
It’s like when you put watercolours onto a page. Slowly the colour spreads. It’s not vibrant, but it’s there. That’s what falling out of love feels like.
At first, it is subtle but it spreads. As the colour spreads on the page it slightly fades.
You can add more paint but then you destroy the paper. It gets saturated. It’s more prone to tears. Overall just weak.
The frustration had been building the past few weeks but she’d been working hard to internalise it. Out of fear of losing him she kept it hidden. She still posted photos of them together to Instagram with heartfelt captions. She pretended that nothing was different.
It was business as usual. She couldn’t help but wonder if he noticed the changes in her. Whenever he touched her she curled away slightly. He had to have noticed. Things hadn’t been the same for a while. They were both waiting for this to end. She wondered why they were both stringing it out.
Her mind plays back the highlights wondering if there will be more memories to make. Ones that aren’t swamped by heartache. She’d googled relationship advice scared to approach a friend. Some articles told her to have a heart to heart with him, others suggested ripping it off like a bandaid. That walking away might bring happiness.
It is just a relationship that doesn’t provide growth hindering any chance of success. In other areas of her life, she felt flat. Work wasn’t as enjoyable and her friends saw a shift in her attitude. Her temper was shorter and so was her energy.
She couldn’t deny he was her all. It was if she was waiting for him to give her a reason to change her mind. Perhaps they both deserved better. Perhaps there was somebody out there that could love them better.
People walk in and out of our lives for unknown reasons. They come to teach us lessons about life. We grow, hurt and laugh alongside them. Yet there’s always a possibility that it’ll end. Once that relationship fulfils its purpose it ends. They move onto new relationships and so do we. It’s never easy to let go but when that connection stops challenging us we need to shift focus.
This was the battle she faced. She knew they weren’t making one another happy. There were more cons than pros but for some reason she was still grappling for the pros.
By continuing on the relationship they were only hurting each other more. They weren’t happy. Not that they’d admit it. It was simply written all over their faces. Pull off the mask and underneath you’d uncover someone barely keeping it together.
Adapting without him would be scary. There’d be things she’d miss. His laugh, his fingers entwined with hers during their movie nights. Most of all she’d miss having someone to confide in at the end of the day. When the city went still at night and he would lie beside her. They wouldn’t talk, but the sound of his breathing would lull her into a sense of security. What if she never finds that again?
Letting go of a relationship is terrifying. But holding onto one that makes you unhappy is a disaster waiting to happen.
Her thoughts aren’t any clearer. She knew it was time to face the music anyway.
“We need to talk.”
His voice startles her. As her eyes meet his, she already knows what’s about to come. Her eyes tell a similar story.
It seems as if she’d be going with the bandaid option.
The Loz Blog is an inspiration, wellbeing lifestyle blog targeting young people who just wish life came with an Ikea instruction manual. Millennials just beginning university or those entering the scary trail to adulthood can come to The Loz Blog to read content that they can relate to or laugh along with. It’s all about the mines and marvels that come with being a 20-something-year-old. Click here to connect with The Loz.